I never knew....

I never knew that being a mother could be so exciting and exhausting at the same time. Or that in a house full of people that I could feel so alone. I love my husband and my children so very much. I love that I am blessed and am able to stay home. I cannot image having to leave Avrum with someone else or not being able to watch over our teen. But, at the same time I feel as if I have lost a best friend, architecture. I miss it so much. I don't want to give into mourning its loss for fear that if I do I will never go back. It is amazing that before Avrum, I was able to work full-time, go to school full-time and have a husband and a son. How on earth did I keep it all together? And why can't I get into a great flow now? We all subconsciously expect so much more of me domestically because I stay home and yet I want the boys to continue with their responsibilities so I can still be me and not just a housewife. Don't get me wrong I am super thankful for my life. We are all together, happy and healthy and that is the most important. I am just striving for Balance.